After many months of demanding circumstances, the dust is clearing, and I’ve seen many things I did and didn’t do that I wish I could have done differently. There’s no changing that reality. But what had changed was the inner response to such a moment. When I came to understand or realize the impact of these events, I could see the old habit of feeling guilty, bad, or “not good enough” begin to arise. They arose, but they didn’t stick.
Instead, what occurred was something direct and revolutionary; at least for my history, I looked at what was true. I didn’t try to make anybody wrong; I kept reviewing the different facets of each event and asking myself, “What is true here?” Some of you know Byron Katie’s The Work, and her primary question, “Is that true?” When I asked, “What is true here?” It included investigating my mind´s responses, sensing my body’s reactions, and seeing what occurred factually. Feelings and facts matter, and the trick was listening to both in full expression without avoidance or inflation.
So, I did not feel guilt but went below it to sadness, sorrow, hurt, disappointment, etc. In the simplicity of repetitively asking what was true, i.e., what happened or didn’t happen, what was said or unsaid, what was felt or not felt, came true understanding.
The rest was just noise.