Life has a way of expanding in unexpected ways. There are periods when everything just clicks, and happiness flows freely. It’s an experience that feels light, unburdened, and deeply fulfilling. For the first time in nearly 60 years, I’ve found myself not collapsing into the happiness and pleasure of these moments, but simply enjoying them. It’s been a long journey to get here. The past few years have taught me something profound: no matter how much self-work I’ve done, old traumas often linger, subtly casting a shadow over my ability to embrace happiness fully. But over time, I’ve come to understand that happiness doesn’t need to be tethered to external circumstances or fleeting pleasures. In fact, it can be something much deeper and more lasting.
The Power of Releasing the Past
In 2020, I made a conscious decision to dive deeply into healing past wounds—those traumas, regrets, and fears that had unknowingly kept me trapped in patterns of pain. It wasn’t easy, but it was worth it. By addressing these deep-rooted emotions, I realized that true happiness wasn’t dependent on achieving something external. It wasn’t about chasing the next high, whether it was a romantic relationship, financial success, or an intense burst of creativity. Instead, happiness was found in the ability to simply be with myself, fully present in the moment.
For many of us, the pursuit of happiness often leads us to attach our joy to the things we think we need or desire. We live for the next big thing, always hoping that “if only” we had this or that, we’d be truly happy. But in doing so, we bypass the richness of the present moment—the joy that already exists in our lives.
“Pleasure is Beautiful, and desire is natural.
There is nothing wrong with either.”
The Paradox of Happiness: Accepting Pain to Embrace Joy
The paradox of life is that, in order to fully embrace joy, we must first learn how to be with pain. Over the years, I’ve learned that my capacity for joy has only grown because I’ve made peace with pain—without running from it or trying to numb it. Pain, in its purest form, is just another experience in the spectrum of life. It’s not something to resist but something to understand, to sit with, and to allow it to pass naturally. In doing so, I’ve found that my capacity for happiness has expanded exponentially.
In the past, I would have tied my happiness to external achievements or pleasures: a passionate connection, financial abundance, or the rush of a creative project. However, now I see that the true goal isn’t to attain these external pleasures. It’s to cultivate the ability to embrace the flow of life as it comes, without clinging or forcing things into place. Happiness, then, is not something we chase; it’s something we allow.
“This is perfect.
Nothing has to be any different.
Everything is just right,
just the way it is.”
The Cycle of Pleasure and Desire
Pleasure is beautiful, and desire is natural. There’s nothing wrong with either. However, it’s important to recognize that the attachment to how those pleasures and desires manifest is what often leads to suffering. When we become attached to a specific outcome or expectation, we limit our ability to fully enjoy what’s happening right in front of us. We are so fixated on how things “should” be that we miss the beauty of what is.
Happiness, in its truest form, comes when we let go of the need for things to be any different from how they are. It’s about surrendering to the present moment, fully experiencing life as it is, without adding a story to it. We often say to ourselves, “If only I had this…then I’d be happy.” But the truth is, happiness is already here, waiting for us to notice it.
Finding Peace in the Present Moment
One of the most powerful practices I’ve found for cultivating happiness is the practice of surrender. It’s not about resigning or giving up; it’s about letting go of the need to control everything around us. It’s about trusting that life, as it unfolds, is perfect in its imperfection.
During my healing journey, I worked with mantras—simple phrases like “Somehow, this is perfect.” “Nothing has to be any different.” “Everything is just right, just the way it is.” At times, these mantras felt like a stretch, especially on the tough days. But over time, they became a guiding light, reminding me that happiness doesn’t come from chasing something external. It comes from being deeply connected to the present moment, trusting that every experience, whether it’s pleasure or pain, is part of the greater flow of life.
The Key to True Happiness
True happiness isn’t found in chasing the next desire or fulfilling the next pleasure. It’s found in cultivating the capacity to hold space for all of life—pleasure, pain, desire, and everything in between. It’s about learning to embrace the fullness of our experience, without clinging to or rejecting any part of it. When we stop living for the “next thing” and instead fully immerse ourselves in the present moment, we begin to experience the richness of life in its purest form.
In the end, happiness is about being with life as it is, embracing both the highs and lows, and learning to find peace in the journey. And maybe a little humor along the way. So, the next time you find yourself yearning for something different, remember that happiness isn’t something to be attained. It’s something to be experienced right here, right now.
