Constriction is something we all feel—sometimes all at once, sometimes slowly over time.
It can show up as fear, worry, anger, sadness, or uncertainty. You might feel it in your body: a tight chest, clenched jaw, or heavy shoulders. Or maybe it’s emotional: that sense of being on edge, constantly bracing for something. It’s personal, and yet strangely universal. You’re not alone in feeling this way.
Over the past few weeks, I’ve noticed this sense of constriction showing up everywhere—around me, in conversations, on the news, and yes, within myself.
So what do we do when it feels like life keeps tightening its grip?
Here’s the counterintuitive answer: we soften.
The Opposite of Constriction Is Not Action—It’s Softening
When life feels overwhelming, our natural instinct is to control. We try to fix, force, or muscle our way through it. But that only tightens things more.
Animals and children instinctively know how to soften. When they’re afraid or overwhelmed, they rest, cry, cuddle, or release tension without thinking about it. But as adults, we’re conditioned to push through, to hold it all together, to solve every problem before we let ourselves rest.
That’s where softening becomes a choice—a powerful one.
Softening means letting go without spacing out- think of a martial arts master rather than a boxer. Not going slack, but balanced and readily aware of your environment . It means you don’t have to fight every battle right now. You don’t have to fix the unfixable. You can take a breath and release the need to control everything—because that control is often what’s causing the most pain.
It can look like:
- Choosing not to react immediately.
- Disengaging from a conversation that’s draining you.
- Physically relaxing the tension in your jaw, shoulders, or stomach without leaving the situation.
- Getting up or stepping away from the news or your phone.
- Asking yourself: How am I tensing unnecessarily right now?
What Happens When You Soften
When you soften, you create space—space for insight, for breath, for seeing things clearly, and for optimized possibilities. You give yourself the chance to stop reacting out of habit and start responding essentially. You learn to tolerate uncertainty or fear without letting it consume you.
Most importantly, you make room for a deeper question:
What is the worst-case scenario I’m afraid of… and could I survive it?
This question might sound dramatic, but it’s a grounding one. Naming the fear takes away its power. We spend so much energy avoiding or denying what we’re afraid of, but when we face it honestly, we often find we’re stronger than we thought- a can handle it.
That doesn’t mean the fear disappears. But our relationship to it changes.
We begin to see ourselves as more grounded, more capable. We stop gripping, and we start breathing.
A Moment From the Other Side
Here’s a short passage from my upcoming book—a moment written after living through my own worst-case scenario, a cancer diagnosis. It’s about what softening looked like when I had nothing else to lean on.
“There was no miracle moment. Just slow, uneven breaths and a long stretch of time where nothing made sense. I didn’t rise. I didn’t transcend. I just stopped. And then something inside began to open—not because I fought for it, but because I finally stopped fighting it away. That’s when the clarity came. Quietly. Gently. In the stillness I knew my only goal was to survive. And I did.
That experience taught me that softening isn’t surrender—it’s strength. It’s the beginning of real resilience. And it’s how we can keep moving when Life asks us to face down a threat.
Final Thoughts
If you’re feeling constricted right now, know that you’re not alone. You don’t need to force yourself out of it. You don’t need to fix everything today.
Just soften. Let go of the tension where you can. Allow space. And see what wisdom, relief, or clarity might show up in that quiet place.
