Life is full of ups and downs, and sometimes, it can feel like everything is piling up all at once. You’re doing your best, but no matter how hard you try, things just don’t seem to shift. It’s during these challenging periods that we often struggle to manage, even with our usual coping mechanisms. But what if we could lean into these tough times instead of fighting them?
That’s exactly what I faced last week. To be honest, it was a rough one. Despite all the usual tools I rely on to get through demanding times, I found myself stuck. Almost immobilized. But when I paused and took a step back, I realized just how much I had been through over the last year and a half:
- 11 office moves
- Two real estate transactions
- Four residency changes
- Two cross-country moves, each over 3,000 miles
- Returning to live with an intimate partner
- Saying goodbye to a 20-year home in Florida
And, all of this happened within just 18 months!
So, it was no surprise that I was struggling to find my drive. The mental and physical toll of so many life transitions left me feeling overwhelmed and drained. Yet, instead of pushing myself to keep it all together, I allowed myself to sit still and rest for a while- but purposefully. So I tuned it all out, got in my most comfortable clothes and unplugged from life 100%. And although I could feel the discomfort, the anxiety, and the messiness of all that was piling up all around me. I decompressed deeply.
Embracing the Struggle
It’s easy to fall into the trap of guilt and shame when we’re not operating at our best, especially when we’ve always prided ourselves on being able to push through. But here’s what I realized: true mastery doesn’t come from being perfect or unaffected by life’s challenges. It comes from being able to be perfectly OK to take a well-timed break, and concede that facing the messiness, the vulnerability, and the discomfort, will have to happen tomorrow. Then we can return and keep moving forward.
I couldn’t change the circumstances I was dealing with. What I could change was how I chose to respond to them. In those moments of struggle, I reminded myself that what I was feeling wasn’t a reflection of my worth. Guilt and shame tried to creep in, but I chose not to engage with them. Instead, I allowed myself to recognize their pull but let them flow through me- without attaching any judgment or blame.
The Power of Feeling
When we resist what we’re feeling, we only amplify the tension. But when we allow ourselves to experience our emotions and reactions without shame or judgment, we create space for healing and optimized performance. It’s not about suppressing or avoiding difficult emotions—it’s about feeling them fully, acknowledging them, and then let them move on.
During this tough period, I learned the power of feeling through the pain, the vulnerability, and the inability. By practicing presence and accepting where I was, I was able to separate my emotions from my identity. What was moving through me was not me. It was just the process of navigating through a tough time filled with demands I could not meet. And once I let that sink in, I started to feel a sense of freedom and relief.
Resilience in Action
Resilience isn’t about never breaking down or feeling defeated. It’s about the ability to rise again, even when life feels like it’s falling apart. It’s about being able to show up for yourself, even when you’re not at your best, and trust that you will get through it.
The key is to not identify with the difficult emotions or circumstances. Acknowledge them, feel them, but don’t let them define you. Resilience is the act of moving forward despite pain. It’s about living through the tough times, one step at a time.
What Can You Learn from Tough Times?
If you’re in the middle of a challenging period, here are a few takeaways that might help:
- Acknowledge the difficulty – It’s okay to admit that you’re struggling. You don’t have to be strong all the time. Sometimes it’s best to take a break than interact with others in a way you’ll regret later.
- Practice self-compassion – Be kind to yourself during tough times. Understand that you’re doing the best you can. Some days you just don’t have it in you.
- Feel the discomfort – Instead of avoiding or resisting what you’re feeling, or unable to manage, lean into it. It’s part of the healing process to accept yourself as human and not always “able.”
- Let go of guilt and shame – These emotions will only weigh you down. Guilt and shame are here to promote you to consider your actions. Without judgment if you need to apologize or make an acknowledgement to someone, do it, then move on because no further good can come from carrying them around.
- Embrace the messiness – Life is messy. Perfection isn’t the goal. The goal is to move through the mess and keep going.
Tough times don’t last forever, but the resilience you build during them can serve you for a lifetime. Remember, what you’re going through doesn’t define you. It’s just a part of your journey.
