Embracing Unbidden Joy: A Path to Freedom and Fulfillment
Have you ever experienced moments of pure, uncaused joy? The kind of joy that seems to emerge out of nowhere, without any external reason or achievement? It’s a feeling that can feel so rare and almost miraculous, especially after long stretches of life’s challenges and hardships. And yet, it is precisely in these moments of unbidden joy that we discover something profound about life, about ourselves, and about the true nature of happiness.
The Illusion of Happiness
For many of us, joy and happiness often seem tied to external circumstances. We associate our happiness with something we achieve or obtain: a dream job, a new relationship, a material possession, or even a special experience that lifts us out of our everyday struggles. I too once believed that happiness came only through external sources. During difficult times, happiness seemed fleeting, like a rare reprieve from constant stress, or a brief lift from sorrow. And when I had moments of joy, I attributed them to the events or achievements that sparked them.
But here’s the truth: joy is not something that comes from external achievement. Instead, joy is a state of being. It is an upwelling from within, an internal shift that occurs when we stop resisting life and allow ourselves to simply be.
The Shift Toward Simple Joy
This shift in understanding came to me after many years of struggle and inner work. My teacher once said to me, “It’s time for you to practice how being happy.” At first, I didn’t understand what he meant. “Isn’t happiness something that just happens?” I thought. After all, doesn’t happiness just come and go like a fleeting moment of sunlight breaking through the clouds?
But over time, I realized he was right. I had spent so many years in survival mode, constricted by challenges, guilt, and pain, that I had forgotten how to make room for simple joy. In a way, I had gotten out of the habit of allowing happiness into my life.
The turning point came when I stopped resisting what was. I let go of the guilt and blame I had carried for so long—guilt for my child’s struggles, for the choices I had made, for the unhealed pain from my past. I began to embrace life as it was, rather than wishing for something different. As Maya Angelou wisely said, “You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.”
The Destructive Power of Comparison
Part of the journey toward embracing joy involved breaking free from the trap of comparison. It’s easy to look over the fence at others and assume their lives are better, more fulfilling, or more joyous. We see someone achieving what we want, and we feel a pang of envy. But as Mark Twain famously said, “Comparison is the death of joy.”
The truth is that when we compare ourselves to others, we rob ourselves of the joy that comes from embracing our own unique path. When I stopped looking at what others were doing and focused on my own life, I began to uncover a deep well of joy that had been waiting for me all along. Comparison no longer had the power to steal my peace or my happiness.
The Geckos and the Screens: A Lesson in Letting Go
The other day, I found myself trying to help a little gecko escape from my screen room. As I gently guided him toward freedom, I noticed that every time he hit the screen, he panicked and tried to push through the same barrier that was keeping him trapped. It struck me how much this mirrored our own lives.
We often find ourselves trapped by our own fears and resistances. We push against the very things that are holding us back, not realizing that the path to freedom is not through force, but in going against our own fear-based instincts. We resist life, we resist vulnerability, and we resist the unknown. But true freedom comes when we stop pushing against the screens that keep us stuck.
Embracing Vulnerability and Envy as a Guide
In those moments when we feel trapped or stuck, we must pause and ask ourselves: “What is life trying to teach me right now?” In those moments of uncertainty, we can either remain in resistance or open ourselves to the lessons that life is offering. Because deep inside, we already know the answer.
In fact, when we experience envy—whether it’s towards someone else’s success, happiness, or life path—it’s not a sign that we’re missing something. Instead, it’s a signpost pointing us toward our own destiny. As Glennon Doyle Melton says, “We’re only envious of those already doing what we were made to do.”
Embracing Unbidden Joy
So next time you feel trapped, stressed, or stuck, take a moment to pause. Can you find the humor? Can you just give it a rest? Life is often guiding you towards an open door if you would just stop flailing out of old habits. Instead of pushing against the barriers, allow them to show you where you need to grow- it’s usually in the opposite direction of where you’ve been focused. You may just find that unbidden joy bubbles up when you can smile and realize life is your friend.
