Life has a way of teaching us the power of resilience, often through the lens of struggle, loss, and pain, interspersed with such sweet moments of beauty and joy. I’ve lived 61 years of cycles between these ups and downs, it can seem like challenges never cease, but it’s precisely in the midst of them that we find the potential for profound transformation. For much of my life, I wished I could remain in the sweetness of those moments, escaping the pain that seemed to be an inevitable part of the experience. Yet, the pain always returned, and I found myself desperately seeking external fixes- anything that promised relief.
But what I’ve come to understand is this: relief from pain cannot be found outside of ourselves. For years, I searched for answers in others and in fleeting moments, only to find that none of these external solutions offered the lasting peace I sought. The underlying questions echoed in my mind: How can pain and beauty coexist? And more intensely, Why me? I often felt disconnected from life itself, convinced that somehow I wasn’t worthy of the love and peace others seemed to receive so easily. My head was filled with stories about why others deserved happiness but I didn’t, and though those stories felt true in the moment, none of them were.
The Turning Point
It wasn’t until a serious bout with COVID-19—my third close call with death—that I truly faced the truth of my journey. As I lay in bed, struggling to breathe, the thought came to me, “I can’t die here.” It wasn’t about the physical space I occupied in that moment—it was about the life I had not yet lived. In that moment, I made a decision: I would face everything that was numbing me to life and love. I would stop running from my past, my pain, and my fears, and instead embrace them with courage and clarity.
I realized that the real journey wasn’t about avoiding discomfort, but about confronting it with unflinching honesty. The decision to no longer hide from my own truth was the spark that ignited a powerful transformation. Like a Phoenix rising from the ashes, old patterns, beliefs, and behaviors began to fall away. This wasn’t an easy process. There were moments of intense fear, where I felt overwhelmed by the weight of everything I had to face. But there were also moments of incredible joy, aliveness, and freedom, as I connected deeply with the present moment and rediscovered a sense of purpose.
Riding the Waves of Life
Throughout this process, I found myself riding waves of emotion—sometimes gracefully, like a surfer catching the perfect wave, and other times struggling like a panicked swimmer, flailing against the current. But no matter how turbulent the waters, each wave taught me something vital about myself and the world around me.
What prepared me for this moment was everything I had faced before. The struggles, the confusion, and the pain were not random or meaningless; they were part of a greater process of growth. I now understand that none of those challenges defined who I truly am. They were experiences, not the essence of my being.
One of the greatest lessons I’ve learned is the importance of resisting the urge to create stories about myself based on my emotions or experiences. This habit of attaching meaning to every feeling or event only feeds into the cycle of pain. Instead, I’ve learned to simply observe what’s moving through my body and mind without judgment. It’s this practice of non-resistance that has made room for life to show up in ways I never thought possible.
Finding Peace Beyond the Pain
Mastering this process of inner resilience has not only brought me peace, but it has also opened up new possibilities in my life. I have learned to let go of the old pain-body, the collection of beliefs and emotions that no longer serve me, and embrace a life filled with presence and possibility. Each day presents a new opportunity for growth, connection, and transformation.
The truth I’ve discovered is that life’s pain and beauty are not opposing forces—they coexist. Like an artistic masterpiece, it concludes both light and shadow. And in that coexistence lies the opportunity for healing, growth, and love. It’s a lesson that continues to unfold as I embrace each moment with greater clarity, acceptance, and love.
Conclusion
Life is full of challenges, but it is also full of beauty and joy. The key is not to avoid the difficulties, but to embrace them with courage and openness, knowing that each experience is an opportunity for growth. Also, to not seek refuge in enjoyment, but to take it in gratefully. By resisting the urge to create stories about ourselves based on our pain or need to escape, and instead allowing life to flow freely through us, we open the door to profound transformation and depth.
This journey is not easy, but it is deeply rewarding. And in the end, the love and peace we seek are already within us, waiting to be discovered.
